Patron Stories : 5

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Disclaimer: The following stories are taken from actual events. The names of individuals have been changed for privacy purposes. These stories are for blatant entertainment and are not intended to be offensive. If you are offended by the stories herein, well then leave.

Tired of the Bar Scene

Johnny didn't start off weird, well, not too weird. When he first showed up, he didn't have a library card but always a RaceTrac cup.

This library had separate computers for those without a card, intended for email access only, fifteen minutes. Johnny'd come in, sign the log, and get online for hours at a time. Needless to say my short temper wasn't too happy with him.

First thing we did was enforce the lax policy that required showing a drivers' license. He complied, somewhat grudgingly, and stayed on just as long. Email doesn't take three hours to run through, especially when you check it every day like Johnny, so I began surreptitiously watching him.

Johnny was looking for a date! He spent all his time on hookup.com, wannadate.com, etc. and would quickly lower the page when I came near. At the end of the day, we'd view his history, make the print outs and gave them to the director, who said to warn him.

Next time he came in, caught him in the act, gave him a written warning that said he violated the policy of 'email only' and that he'd have to leave.

"Can I just finish my I.Q. test first?"

Taxman

Now this couple really got on my last nerve. Bonnie & ClydeAugust 24, 2006like it too), but anyone who works in a library knows to expect that now and then.

"We need to use the computer...need some tax forms."

"Tax forms are available upstairs for free, but you must pay for any computer prints you make. What forms are you needing?"

"Our W-2s." Needless to say, such forms are not available online, but Bonnie & Clyde decided to ignore me and "check their email" anyway.

What happened next still grosses me out whenever I tell it. BAugust 24, 2006-Only computer to search fruitlessly for her W-2, as well as my telephone to complain to a well-known Financial Advisors group.

When she would need help, she'd call me over, and I'd begin by telling Bonnie that (a) I'm not legally permitted to advise her on such forms, (b) her W-2 would only be available from her employer, and (c) that she was using the 15 minute Email-Only computer. I doubt that she heard me in between nuding Clyde to stop snoring and flicking the ear mites that bothered her from her ear to my face.

Clyde woke up and asked a couple unique questions: "Can I buy a blank W-2 from you?...If I get a blank one, can't I just copy the information from my 2003 W-2 to my 2004 W-2?" Sadly, no, Clyde, to both questions.

After five hours, I finally convinced them to try her employer for the form...but they continued to try the library.

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