Eddie was a typical midlife crisis kind of guy: balding, short shorts, wanting a change of scenery. He would come into the library to look for a new job, specifically, a cruise line job. That in and of itself isn't so strange, but Eddie obviously had as many social skills as he did computer skills.

One day he approached me while working on inventory and asked for assistance. Seemed he did not know how to "copy & paste" for his resumé. While my brain tried to make the transition from one task to the other, Eddie began slurping. Not just a little, hardly noticeable slurping...Obscene Slurping, where his entire mouth salivated while he thoroughly cleaned his choppers!

I had been at this library for a few months, knew who my regulars were, etc., when I met a new woman we'll call Fanny. She was nondescript, maybe a little eccentric-looking, but what I would call "normal". The first day I saw her she came into the Reference department to find books on Texas mushrooms. After assisting her, I returned to my previous task and began talking to a coworker.

Now the department was pretty crowded (for the size of it) and there was only one copy machine available for public use. Fanny proceeded to use the machine with no trouble. Then suddenly there was a strange noise, like masking tape being removed. I turned towards the copier and realized (about the same time as the other 20 people in the room) that Fanny was feeling gassy!

She proceeded to press her hand against her butt in a vain attempt to hinder the flatulence. After a moment, when every gob smacked face in the room returned to his senses, Fanny finished her copies and quietly left, never to be seen in the Reference room again.

This guy first appeared on Halloween, about an hour before the library closed, in search of Genealogy. Normally I didn't work that department, but I just got lucky that evening and met Martin. He wasn't a bad looking guy -- youngish, short, affable -- but he was off.

Since it was closing time and Halloween, I was unusually eager to help him (and to help him find his way out) but I quickly became frightened. Martin asked for genealogy assistance, so I began the spiel about what we had. He then rephrased his request. Apparently his mother had committed suicide years before around Halloween and he questioned the autopsy. He firmly believed she'd been murdered and wanted to find the genealogical evidence to prove as such.

To say I was baffled would be an understatement. For any of you not familiar with Genealogy, that's not a covered subject! When I explained that to him, he seemed to slough off the request entirely...and proceeded to hit on me. By this point I was too apprehensive to even appreciate his flattery and did my best thereafter to leave Martin up to the real Genealogist!

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